I have a playlist titled “Killing Cops and Myself.” It is an eclectic mix of folk, folk-punk, and bluegrass whose central theme is not hard to discern. When I cleaned up the playlist so that I could share it with Andy (Weeks) I had a path I wanted the listener to go down. It is destructive. The music starts with anarchist and revolutionary screeds against power, “Save a Life (Kill a Cop)” and then slowly turns inward, an internalization of power that asks who I am to fight for a better world. The music takes on heavy overtones of depression and self-loathing but is periodically punctuated by bluegrass. The relief of the countryside.
I am not from the country, I’m as suburban as they get, but bluegrass and folk have always appealed to me. At one point I almost bought a cheap car to drive on country roads to Appalachia. I never did but the dream of living in a van and driving west has appealed to me since I first realized it was possible. Central Illinois’ countryside is an acquired taste – I prefer forests – but I have learned to see the beauty in prairies, cornfields are even beautiful although the fields along I-55 leave a lot to be desired. I have learned to play the colonial for my European classmates. Benjamin Franklin wore his beaver-skin hat to play the role of the noble-savage at Versailles. It must have worked, America is an independent country only because the French wanted revenge against perfidious Albion in the Second Hundred Years’ War.
As the music descends into self-loathing themes of suicide become more prevalent. It is not sudden, political themes remain but there is a shift. Eventually, it becomes a cry for help, begging for redemption and hope – “Condition 11:11” – until the metaphorical trigger is pulled, but it is not the death of the listener, but of a friend. What follows is a short post-script: heaven. None of it is in English but it is meant to signify release, that angelic redemption that the music increasingly begs for. The first is a short piece by the Russian musician Монеточка. I first heard “Пост-пост” in Centricide 7 by Jreg, he presents it in the context of post-modernism, claiming the Russians seem to always be ahead of the rest of us. To me, it has always been the voice of an angel, the Russian flows past me as I hang on to every keystroke, the mechanical presses bring life to the piece that I cannot describe. Her voice is that of an Orthodox saint, ironic given the context of her other music, but divorced from the language and in the isolation from which I hear it, it is beautiful.
Next comes “Tēta dārzā” by Sus Dungo. An all-woman Latvian band that I have known since I started college, the text of the song revolves around the band’s accordionist singing about her dead father’s garden in the sky. They have always managed to relax me, and I am infinitely grateful for the music they provide. It is a coda to suicide, there is still joy in the world, we just have to see it.
The playlist ends with the Greenlandic band Sume and an instrumental piece from their original album by the same name. “Ode Til Heimaey” is a rock melody that centers on the musical abilities of the musicians rather than any lyrical skills. This is ironic given Sume’s role in the history of Greenland. The first modern musicians to perform in Inuktitut the band became famous throughout the island for their role in the struggle for Greenland’s independence. There is a documentary about the band that come out recently, but I did not learn about their music through the documentary. It was introduced to me by brain4breakfast, an educational Youtuber who tragically died in April 2019. Despite only making nineteen videos in his short time with us he was an exemplar of the promise the internet could hold. The music appeared in one of his first videos, about the history of Greenland, I recommend everyone watch it.
His death is one of the tragedies that I will never truly recover from. But I am infinitely grateful for the knowledge that he shared with me, our brief interactions taught me that our generosity can be boundless and that there is no need for self-loathing when we can love everyone around us. Even still, it is a struggle, and this playlist has an important place in my heart. Politics and emotions are as cursed as they are inseparable.
Signed,
Andrew (Pfannkuche)
Normal Thoughts 