I thrive on close relationships with my professors. Even in high school I thrived on the knowledge that my favorite teachers saw me as – at a minimum – intellectually competent or a serious thinker. At ISU I thrived of conversations with my professors. I felt as though I was proving myself as someone worth taking seriously. The plague has changed that. Before this week I only had seven weeks of “zoomiversity,” and I was only taking two classes that semester (and one of them was a research seminar, so I really only had on class on Zoom). But this semester marks my return to the “zoomiversity.” When I applied to this program in March my little brother (who is a contact tracer in Indiana) had just been vaccinated, my mother (a healthcare worker) had been vaccinated back in January, and I was still waiting for my turn. The anti-vax movement was gaining traction, but I was optimistic, most people would get vaccinated, they would just be hesitant, friends and family would get vaccinated and, after seeing that they did not mutate they would take the plunge. I suspected there would be holdouts, but at least 75% of people would end up getting vaccinated; the only thing worse than being wrong is death. I also assumed that students and teachers would all be fully vaccinated by the time classes started. Masks would be required in the classroom but the collective dislike both students and faculty hold for online classes would overpower any residual COVID fears. We are vaccinated, we are in masks, what else are we to do? It seems I was wrong.
The University of Luxembourg sent me an email two and a half weeks ago, classes would be hybrid this semester. My master’s program’s introduction session? Online. At the online session they politely informed us that the first week of classes would be online, a blow to be certain but something I can overcome, and that professors would be free to decide after that. Time will tell what is going to happen.
I deeply value my conversations with professors, this is just not possible over Zoom. There must be a purpose, no one likes being on a video call, we must end this conversation as quickly as possible. Why didn’t you just send an email? Zoom kills the human element while assuring you that there is no difference. The Wi-Fi in my campus housing goes out randomly, usually around the time classes are set to begin. The university requires students to be physically in Luxembourg for their studies, I am paying 400 euros for an apartment when I could have stayed at home, living rent free for another semester. But the death of my interactions with professors has hit me the hardest. I valued those intellectual connections; they gave my life meaning in a serious way. I made friends at ISU, many of them are just as intellectually serious than I am, I met two World War II reenactors who are even more intellectually committed than I am. In the tax haven I have not made any friends (bars and cafés are closed to people without a vaccine passport, the government has not found it fit to issue me one yet) and my professors see me as nothing more than a plague rat. My existence threatens them, I must be physically avoided at all costs.
This perspective has taught me sympathy for the plague rat. The poor creature does not spread disease because it hates man, it is not an agent of the devil. If one asked the plague rat it would say that it does not want to hurt anyone, it just wants to live more comfortably than it did at the last port. For me, living comfortably means those intellectual relationships with friends and professors. But the professors do not see a starving rat, searching for intellectual nourishment, I am a threat. My existence is in direct contradiction to their best interests, I can kill them, and I must therefore be dealt with. Fortunately, professors have not issued bounties for their student’s heads, unfortunately they avoid us. I am trying to stay positive for the upcoming semester, perhaps I am a plague rat, but maybe the professors will also see that I am starving, that I am innocent, and that I need intellectual nourishment. The semester is young, updates are sure to come.
Signed,
Andrew (Pfannkuche)
Normal Thoughts 